Randy Rotbrain’s Report



Deer Miss Ban,                            DATE is TODAY

Me an’ Mini-Ick, my other golem pal, are reel excited to be sendin this here report. We scouted Unnercity just like we volunteered to do, and this here report (PUT IT DOWN GRIFTAH, LAST WARNIN’) tells ya what we found.

So I sneaked my way to Britewater Lake, which is kinda a weerd name since the water ain’t bright, kinda like me, but I guess that ain’t much important. I wrapped Mini-Ick in cheesecloth, like I do my slices of pie (note to self – eat more pie), cause he’s metal and I think he’d rust or something, and put him in my pack. I then held my breath and dove in. Peeple keep tellin’ me deaders can’t drown but I dunno, better safe than dead again I guess.

There’s a pipe under the suthern shoreline. It’s got an iron grate but I put lil’ Ick through the pipes, and he jiggered the catch free from the udder side so’s I could swim inside. I saw some rats swimmin’ through the tunnel. It ain’t all flooded, there’s little pockits of air here and there, so the rats swim up and take a big ol’ gulp and keep on.

Yoo can see the water gettin all glowy and green, so yoo know it’s connectin’ to the canals. Shore enough I came up inside Unnercity. Golly but the place is a mess. I rote down what I saw because I’m a rotbrain and don’t know what’s important and what ain’t.

So the tunnel connects to the outer canal, half between the Magik Kwarter and the Rowge’s Kwarter. I thought the arteefacts Miss Ban was interested in mite be magikal so I swam in that direction. I tried takin a few breaths of air, and it was pretty nasty and made me feel sick, like when I eet too much pie and get a tummy ache, but it wasn’t too bad. The rats don’t stay long above water and like I thought they still have nests unner the street fowndayshuns. Yoo can see em climbin’ in and out. The city beelongs to them now, I guess.

The peeramid is still there, but there are big hunks of stone and rocks that came down from the seeling vawlts overhead. I think maybe the junk that got releesed into the air mighta been burny, like acid, because I saw lots of stuff damaged like that. But it didn’t burn my lungs none to breathe it so maybe it’s only burny for a lil while after it’s in the air and then it stops? One of the alkeemists would know.

I poked around the peeramid for a while. There were a lot of deaders layin’ around. Lots of us died in here. I wanted to do somethin’ with the bodies but there just wasn’t enough time, so I asked lil’ Ick to do a prayer for ‘em, and he made some warbling noises so I guess that’s how golem’s pray, and then we headed for the center of the city.

I checked some of the smaller tunnels lookin’ for survivors and I found a few. They were mostly deaders that couldn’t get out ‘cause their bodies got broke from the falling rocks I mentioned earlyer. Four of them were OK enough after I patched them up to make the swim out, same way I got in, but there were a few who were too banged up. I told ‘em I was really sorry and that I was on a sooper seekrit mission and had to go, but I told them I’d let other deaders know they was down here, and where they are, so here it is.

(Randy has drawn a surprisingly decent map of Undercity. The tunnel he’s referring to branches northeast off the middle ring, about 1:30 if the city was a 12-hour clock face with due north as 12PM. The tunnels he’s referring to were old catacombs that citizens used to “sleep” – basically rock shelves cut into the walls where they would lay still. It sounds like when the stone was damaged, some of the shelves “pancaked” onto each other and left the resting deaders trapped under the rubble.)

I was gonna go into the big central chamber where the bank and the inn used to be, but something big and loud was makin’ all kinds of noise inside there. Growlin’ and thrashin’ and throwing things around, maybe big hunks of stone. I heard them splashin’ into the canals. So I headed back, and wrote this here report.

So in kunclooshun:

  1. Safe way into Unnercity through the Britewater Lake tunnel
  2. Didn’t see any arteefacts, but peeramid still there

    D)Deaders trapped inside, in the tunnels I marked on my map and probably others too

  1. Big mean ol’ thing in the center chamber

Yore pal, and sooper seekrit spy,